Post by steele on Nov 30, 2009 18:04:55 GMT -5
(Scene opens in the set of what looks like the game show Family Feud. The game show host isn't louie Anderson or any of the other failed TV stars of the past but yours truly Sebastian St. Claire. SSC is wearing a cheesy brown 1970 style suit, he has an obvious brown wig of a horrible 70s style and a classic porn mustache. )
SSC: Welcome fans to this episode of... Skanks feud.... The team to the right is the BLONDE SKANKS!!!!
(The camera pans to the right and five attractive blonde skanks in hoochie out fits come jumping down the stairs. They are all making sure people get a chance to see their bouncing jugs. )
SSC: And to the left we have the RED HEAD SKANKS!!
(Camera pans to the left and pretty much the same quality of fine women in trashy clothes but these are all red heads. The camera gets a few good bouncing jug shots before going back to SSC who is standing behind the buzzer table. he has a clearly fake cheesy game show smile on his face but as always his blue eyes are full of crazy.)
SSC: For those of you who arent familar with the show the "Skank feud", I will give you a quick run down. The contests have all slept with a certain movie star. The format is the same as the family feud where we will ask them what the 100 people we surveyed would have asnwered to the question. BUT ENOUGH with that... lets play the FEUD!!!!! Captains come up to the table here...
(The captain of each team bouncers their way to the buzzer table and makes sure to stop for the camera and smile)
SSC: Now all of you contests have slept with Macho Steele. Most of you are struggling actresses who did it to get in a movie...... So here is your question. We asked 100 women that Macho Steele slept with the follow question "If you had to put a movie title to your sexual experience with Macho Steele, what would it be?"
(The red skank clicks teh buzzer)
Red skank #1: I would have to say that rodeo movie. "8 seconds"!!!
(The audience laughs as SSC turns to the board with his arm waving.)
SSC: DO WE HAVe 8 SECONDS!!!!!!
(Tile number 2 turns over for 27 points)
SSC: Well played dear. And blonde captain, what is your answer?
(The blonde captain is just staring at SSC with the blank smile of somebody who is not really there. This goes on for 5 seconds until the buzzer goes off.)
SSC: Sorry sweet heart. My guess is that you struggle remembering your lines even when it is just to scream.... Red Skanks have control of the board.
(SSC strolls over to red head skank #2 and softly kissers her on the hand. )
SSC: Have you ever been in a porno beautiful?
Red Skank #2: uh, no but I would love to be in one of those foreign films.
SSC: (trying not to laugh at her) wow... Well anyways what movie comes to mind when you think of your sexual experience with Macho Steele?
Red Skank #2: um. I would have to say "Much ado about nothing"
(SSC turns to the board)
SSC: Do we have "Much ado about nothing"!?!??!
(Tile number 3 turns over for 14 points. SSC makes his way to the third red head.)
SSC: Well played honey. I k new you had a few brain cells in there that still worked. Onto contestant number 3. What movie comes to mind when you think of your sexual experience with Macho Steele?
Red skank #3: Uh, I would say "Marley and Me"
SSC: (confused look on his face) Why that film?
Skank #3: Well you look at the actors in it and you think it is going to be good but then it starts and it is really bad and the ending is horrible.
SSC: Good enough for me.... Do we have "Marley and ME"!?!?!
(Tile number 5 flips over for 3 points. SSC gives the crowd a chance to quit laughing before moving to red head number four.)
SSC: So you had the chance to jump in the sack with Macho Steele, what movie comes to mind?
red head #4: I would have to say "The man who knew too little"
SSC: oh that hurts.....(crowd laughs on cue) THE MAN who knew too little!!!
(Tile number 4 flips over for 13 points. SSC heads to the last red head. She has by far the biggest rack of all of them andd has those dirty eyes of a girl who will do anything)
SSC: Will you marry me?
Red skank #5: sure.
SSC: Will you go to vegas with me and two other girls for a weekend of mistakes?
Red head: hmmm... sure
SSC: Me likey.... So honey there is one tile left.. What movie comes to mind when you think of your sexual experience wtih Macho Steele?
Red Head #5: Well he promised me the night of my life but I thought that ment it was going to be a good thing but boy was I wrong. I would have to say with his lack of actual ability.. I would say " That is It".
(turns to the game board)
SSC: And for the win... Do we have "That is it"
(Tile number 1 turns for 40 points and the crowd cheers)
SSC: The red head skank team takes the win!!!!
(crowd cheers as the girls on both teams jump up and down and smile for the camera. After a few moments enjoying the show SSC scoots them all off the stage. )
SSC: All of you head back to my dressing room for the after show party....
(SSC turns his attention back to the camera)
SSC: We have a special round today for you wrestling fans. Team number one is Nancy Drew's mother, come right up to the buzzer maam.
(An older stero typical mother looking women comes on stage and takes her position by the buzzer table.)
SSC: and Team number 2, Mrs. Olson, Nancy Drew's 11th grade Gym teacher.
(An old lady maybe in her 80s comes walking out onto stage in her grey sweat suit and whistle around her neck. )
SSC: This is a special one round match. Both of you have slept with Nancy Drew..... We surveyed all the women who slept with Nancy Drew and asked them " Why did you sleep with Nancy Drew"
(Drew's mother proudly pounds the buzzer.)
Drew's mother: I slept with him because I didn't want him to go to college as a virgin.
SSC: Did he go to college?
Drew's mother: Well no. he wasnt very good at school either, but I kept telling him. With practice you will get better honey.
SSC: Like they say in Kentucky. Incest is a family tradition.... Alright board. Because I didnt want himi to be a virgin when he goes to college!!!!
(There are only two tiles for this one and the 2nd one flips over saying "didn't want him to be a virgin" for 1 point. SSC busts out laughing and tries to control himself as he turns to the gym teacher.)
SSC: Mrs Olson, same question. Why did you sleep with Nancy Drew?
Mrs. Olson: I thought he was a girl.
(SSC loses control and is laughing so hard he has to rest his head on the table. after a good 10 seconds he pulls himself up with tears in his eyes, SSC turns to the board.)
SSC: Because I thought he was a GIRL?!?!?!
(After a dramatic pause, the first tile flips over "Because I thought he was a girl" for 2 points)
SSC (slightly confused) two? I thought you were the only two that had slept with him?
Mrs. Olson: I slept with him twice. I didn't realize he was a boy the first time.
(Tears stream from SSC eyes as he laughs uncontrollably)
SSC: Alright folks. that is all we have for tonight.. Be good and take care!!!!
(Scene cuts with SSC falling onto the ground in fits of laughter.)
SSC: Welcome fans to this episode of... Skanks feud.... The team to the right is the BLONDE SKANKS!!!!
(The camera pans to the right and five attractive blonde skanks in hoochie out fits come jumping down the stairs. They are all making sure people get a chance to see their bouncing jugs. )
SSC: And to the left we have the RED HEAD SKANKS!!
(Camera pans to the left and pretty much the same quality of fine women in trashy clothes but these are all red heads. The camera gets a few good bouncing jug shots before going back to SSC who is standing behind the buzzer table. he has a clearly fake cheesy game show smile on his face but as always his blue eyes are full of crazy.)
SSC: For those of you who arent familar with the show the "Skank feud", I will give you a quick run down. The contests have all slept with a certain movie star. The format is the same as the family feud where we will ask them what the 100 people we surveyed would have asnwered to the question. BUT ENOUGH with that... lets play the FEUD!!!!! Captains come up to the table here...
(The captain of each team bouncers their way to the buzzer table and makes sure to stop for the camera and smile)
SSC: Now all of you contests have slept with Macho Steele. Most of you are struggling actresses who did it to get in a movie...... So here is your question. We asked 100 women that Macho Steele slept with the follow question "If you had to put a movie title to your sexual experience with Macho Steele, what would it be?"
(The red skank clicks teh buzzer)
Red skank #1: I would have to say that rodeo movie. "8 seconds"!!!
(The audience laughs as SSC turns to the board with his arm waving.)
SSC: DO WE HAVe 8 SECONDS!!!!!!
(Tile number 2 turns over for 27 points)
SSC: Well played dear. And blonde captain, what is your answer?
(The blonde captain is just staring at SSC with the blank smile of somebody who is not really there. This goes on for 5 seconds until the buzzer goes off.)
SSC: Sorry sweet heart. My guess is that you struggle remembering your lines even when it is just to scream.... Red Skanks have control of the board.
(SSC strolls over to red head skank #2 and softly kissers her on the hand. )
SSC: Have you ever been in a porno beautiful?
Red Skank #2: uh, no but I would love to be in one of those foreign films.
SSC: (trying not to laugh at her) wow... Well anyways what movie comes to mind when you think of your sexual experience with Macho Steele?
Red Skank #2: um. I would have to say "Much ado about nothing"
(SSC turns to the board)
SSC: Do we have "Much ado about nothing"!?!??!
(Tile number 3 turns over for 14 points. SSC makes his way to the third red head.)
SSC: Well played honey. I k new you had a few brain cells in there that still worked. Onto contestant number 3. What movie comes to mind when you think of your sexual experience with Macho Steele?
Red skank #3: Uh, I would say "Marley and Me"
SSC: (confused look on his face) Why that film?
Skank #3: Well you look at the actors in it and you think it is going to be good but then it starts and it is really bad and the ending is horrible.
SSC: Good enough for me.... Do we have "Marley and ME"!?!?!
(Tile number 5 flips over for 3 points. SSC gives the crowd a chance to quit laughing before moving to red head number four.)
SSC: So you had the chance to jump in the sack with Macho Steele, what movie comes to mind?
red head #4: I would have to say "The man who knew too little"
SSC: oh that hurts.....(crowd laughs on cue) THE MAN who knew too little!!!
(Tile number 4 flips over for 13 points. SSC heads to the last red head. She has by far the biggest rack of all of them andd has those dirty eyes of a girl who will do anything)
SSC: Will you marry me?
Red skank #5: sure.
SSC: Will you go to vegas with me and two other girls for a weekend of mistakes?
Red head: hmmm... sure
SSC: Me likey.... So honey there is one tile left.. What movie comes to mind when you think of your sexual experience wtih Macho Steele?
Red Head #5: Well he promised me the night of my life but I thought that ment it was going to be a good thing but boy was I wrong. I would have to say with his lack of actual ability.. I would say " That is It".
(turns to the game board)
SSC: And for the win... Do we have "That is it"
(Tile number 1 turns for 40 points and the crowd cheers)
SSC: The red head skank team takes the win!!!!
(crowd cheers as the girls on both teams jump up and down and smile for the camera. After a few moments enjoying the show SSC scoots them all off the stage. )
SSC: All of you head back to my dressing room for the after show party....
(SSC turns his attention back to the camera)
SSC: We have a special round today for you wrestling fans. Team number one is Nancy Drew's mother, come right up to the buzzer maam.
(An older stero typical mother looking women comes on stage and takes her position by the buzzer table.)
SSC: and Team number 2, Mrs. Olson, Nancy Drew's 11th grade Gym teacher.
(An old lady maybe in her 80s comes walking out onto stage in her grey sweat suit and whistle around her neck. )
SSC: This is a special one round match. Both of you have slept with Nancy Drew..... We surveyed all the women who slept with Nancy Drew and asked them " Why did you sleep with Nancy Drew"
(Drew's mother proudly pounds the buzzer.)
Drew's mother: I slept with him because I didn't want him to go to college as a virgin.
SSC: Did he go to college?
Drew's mother: Well no. he wasnt very good at school either, but I kept telling him. With practice you will get better honey.
SSC: Like they say in Kentucky. Incest is a family tradition.... Alright board. Because I didnt want himi to be a virgin when he goes to college!!!!
(There are only two tiles for this one and the 2nd one flips over saying "didn't want him to be a virgin" for 1 point. SSC busts out laughing and tries to control himself as he turns to the gym teacher.)
SSC: Mrs Olson, same question. Why did you sleep with Nancy Drew?
Mrs. Olson: I thought he was a girl.
(SSC loses control and is laughing so hard he has to rest his head on the table. after a good 10 seconds he pulls himself up with tears in his eyes, SSC turns to the board.)
SSC: Because I thought he was a GIRL?!?!?!
(After a dramatic pause, the first tile flips over "Because I thought he was a girl" for 2 points)
SSC (slightly confused) two? I thought you were the only two that had slept with him?
Mrs. Olson: I slept with him twice. I didn't realize he was a boy the first time.
(Tears stream from SSC eyes as he laughs uncontrollably)
SSC: Alright folks. that is all we have for tonight.. Be good and take care!!!!
(Scene cuts with SSC falling onto the ground in fits of laughter.)
